I want to kill myself, but I cant, I already did. Well, not completely. Im leaning against a cream white wall in a hospital bedroom, look’n at myself in a coma. Everything looks fine, except my face. Its half swollen and bruised, they also shaved my head and did some surgery on my skull I guess, maybe they put a metal plate in, i’m not sure. But what I am certain of is that I look horrendous. All I remember is when I went to end it all, I got in my car and drove as fast as I could into on coming traffic, then I woke up standing in this room, staring at myself. Every now and then a nurse or a doctor will come in, walk past me standing here, and check on my body thats laying over there. I think i’m a ghost, or a spirit, I dunno. There is an angel, or some type of spirit in the corner of the room to my right. He’s been patiently waiting for the past five minutes or so, standing there trying to get my attention to explain to me why i’m still here, but I keep ignoring him. I just tried killing myself, the last thing I want is to be nagged in the beyond. Plus I already know why am here.
My boyfriend is a Detective, Adalberto Green. He upsets me very much at times. We went to high school together, he was always to himself, I was always outgoing and optimistic. I suppose its my fault that we got together, because it was me who tried to get him out of his shell. I talked to him, showed him a thing or two about living a little. I taught him how to pretend to have a good time even tho he wasn’t. He used to be a sad dope around everyone, but now days he’s great around people and only a sad dope while we’re alone, the irony.
Im not sure if we’ve been together for ten years or if i’m secretly a therapist and he’s been my only patient for the past decade. When we’re alone he will talk about how hard it was to deal with the people he encountered, or he will nag about how he doesn’t feel as tho anything he does matters. Now, you see I own a diner, its a quaint place with lots of red neon stuff, chrome napkin dispensers and appliances, cute knick knacks hang on the walls. I wait on tables and bake award winning cookies there. What I do isn’t that important, but i’m proud of it. But Green, he has helped more people than I can count. He has put away bad guys, he has helped victims of heinous crimes recover, he has even brought abused kids to the diner sometimes so I can bake them my famous cookies on the house, and in those moments I remember how much I love him. But when we’re alone, he will say he doesn’t feel like he matters. I wait on tables and bake, how am I supposed to feel about that statement? If he doesn’t value what he does for people, how can he possibly value what I do for a living.
In the last ten years we have had plenty of great moments together where I felt his love, when we’ve helped people, or had get togethers with friends, but after ten years, I want him to really prove it to me. Two good friends of ours, Snow and Jill, keep teasing me that he is gonna have to propose sometime soon, I brush off their teasing, but honestly, thats what I want him to do. That would prove to me that Im more than just his unpaid therapist.
Today is my birthday, every year I always close the diner for the day, and sleep in. This afternoon I woke up to a phone call from Jill politely telling me to come down to the diner for my birthday get together, then I promptly hear Snow in the background yelling at me to get my ass to the diner so we can party until we have to get our stomachs pumped. So of course I get there as fast as I can. I come in the diner through the back entrance where they cant see me walk in. As walk into the kitchen I over hear Snow talking with Green. I stop to eaves drop. She asks him when does he plan on putting a ring on my finger, and he casually says never. My heart didn’t just sink, it felt like it twisted and pulled my gut and throat into a revolving knot. I kept listening. Snow snapped back at him, what did he mean by that, and he said that he didn’t love me enough for that to happen.
I walked back out silently crying to myself. My thoughts were racing, I kept thinking that your supposed to marry someone you cant live without, he was that person for me, and I thought, I believed I was that person for him too. But, I suppose he didn’t care, I didn’t matter to him. Maybe I just don’t matter at all. Thats when I got in my car, and drove headfirst to the afterlife.
“Natasha. Excuse me, Natasha we have to talk.” The other ghost in the corner of the room was trying to get my attention again. I suppose its time I should hear him out.
“What is it.”
“Arn’t you curious as to why your hear?”.
“No. Im sad and frustrated, thats it.”.
“Well, you’re here to say goodbye to your body. You will be parting ways forever, and this is your time to say farewell before I take you.”
“Can I wait for my family to show up?”
“No. If they were going to visit you at your death bed, they would have been here by now, and i’m sorry but i’m not waiting anymore.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I felt drained, and I honestly didn’t want to live. I stepped to the side of the bed, I took my body’s hand, I held it tightly for a moment. I looked at my horrendous face, and I said goodbye.
“Ok ghost-man, where to?”
“To Hell.”
An overwhelming sense of heat rushed over me, the air felt thick and hot with humidity. Struggling to catch my breathe, I collapsed, falling to my hands and knees. I want to get up and run, but I can’t. I begin to feel sick, a choking sense of nausea pounded my insides. My head is spinning and the floor begins to rumble and split open, a path to hell. The heat is unbearable, the floor is beginning to burn. The spirit grabs me by my arm, and drags me down the path as I gag and cough. My skin burns and peels against the path that has become a gravely soot. My senses are overwhelmed, I cant fight back, and there is no one left who cares about me who would save me...
In a hot sweat, pulse pounding, Green awoke from his nightmare. He looked around, the bedroom was still, everything in place. He could hear laughter coming from down the hall. He took the moment to close his eyes, and calm himself. Only a nightmare. He got out of bed, put on a t-shirt, some sweatpants and walked out to see the commotion. Snow and Jill were in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up shaping something doughy on the counter while Natasha watched gleefully from the table.
“Hey Look! Its not the life of the party!” Snow jokingly and yet accurately described Green as he entered the room. He smiled. Jill looked up in excitement. It had been a while since they were all together.
“Green! Its so good to see you!” Jill said as she walked over to hug him extending her arms, yet making sure not to touch him so her powdery hands wouldn’t dirty anything.
“Good to see you both too. What you makin?”
“Just you wait and see, dis shit is outta this world.” Snow proudly assured.
“Isn’t it always from out this world?” Natasha said, knowing that whatever Jill and Snow bring, not only must it be good, it is indeed from another world.
They spent the night catching up, laughing, eating, and reminiscing. It wasn’t until late into the night, Jill and Snow fell hard asleep on the living room sofas. Green and Natasha sat together at the kitchen table watching them sleep. The four of them, not family by blood, but they’re a family that chose each other. A bond like no other.
Green thought about his nightmare, what it meant. He looked at Natasha, and he thought about how much he cared about her, how much Snow and Jill cared about her. She was someone he couldn’t live without and he wanted to make sure she knew that.
“We should get married while the two of them are here.” He said.
“Hmmm. Nah, maybe later.” She said being pleased with her response. Green chuckled knowing she would say something like that. He got up kissed her.
“Night.” he started back to the bedroom.
“Hey, I change my mind. Lets do it.” She said. He stopped and turned around with a smile.
“Hmmmm. Naaah.”
They both laughed. Natasha even snorted a little. They called it a night and went to bed together. They had been together for almost ten years, ring or no ring, they weren’t going anywhere. She felt loved, and Green could rest easy knowing the nightmare was just a mix of fear and his imagination.
The End